And a year later... Part 2

Tumor?!?!? And that, my friends, is how your whole world can change with one word. Our plans for the summer were replaced with countless days in the hospital, nights filled with worry and crying, days filled with aimless wandering. I had never known true pain until this past summer. There is nothing that can compare with watching your baby, your heart and dream, go through pain and suffering while you sit by helplessly. If there is something that can compare I don't want to know what it is.

A chordoma. A rare tumor. In the middle of my sweet girl's head. I am still having a hard time accepting this truth. I don't know if I will ever grasp every detail of the situation. It's just so unbelievable... But I have to believe it. Because decisions have to be made, because we have to deal with it, we are in battle, we are fighting for Belle's life.

After three surgeries, two CSF leaks, meningitis, and a chronic sinus infection, all in less than three months, we are in Boston so Belle can receive a specialized radiation treatment. It's been a whirlwind of events but I am starting to feel like things are getting more... normal. A new kind of normal, our normal. I think I will be learning about our new normal for a little while and I am sure there will be times of adjustment. I don't think it will be an easy road. There will be times of extreme happiness, worry, fear, and exhaustion but I can't think about all of that right now. I have to focus on today. Day by day, moment by moment. That's how I will get through all of this. I will rely on strength that can only come from God, trusting that He will carry us through this.  I will pray often. I will do my best to be still and listen for His whispers. Sometimes, when I'm just too tired, I simply pray, "Lord, you know my heart." I know that He knows what I mean. I am thankful for that.