Saturday, June 22, 2013

An update

It's been a LONG time since I last checked in, I apologize. I am attempting to put the last year or so into words, it's taking some time and much thought. I want to give our last year justice, I really want to share what we have experienced with as much thought and feeling as I can muster, I want to remember... I need to remember. I need to remember and learn from our last year. I am working on really loving and appreciating everything that we have experienced. Anyway, update.


The time leading up to the MRI was stressful and confusing. A sweet friend gave me a book called, "Jesus Calling," when we found out about Belle's tumor. I still read it. Here is a snippet from the entry on June 18.

"You are My beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you. Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment."

A snippet from June 19.

"Let me prepare you for the day that awaits you and point you in the right direction. I am with you continually, so don't be intimidated by fear. Though it stalks you, it cannot harm you, as long as you cling to My hand. keep your eyes on Me, enjoying Peace in My Presence."

A snippet from a page that presented itself when I picked the book up from my nightstand on the day of Belle's MRI. This is part of an entry from June 27.

"Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focuse your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey."

Trying to remember that God is, and has been, my Constant Companion through this journey is bringing me much strength. Sometimes my fears get the best of me and I forget but then I remember and I experience peace.

We had Belle's post treatment MRI on June 18, exactly one year from when she was diagnosed. The MRI went mostly well. If you didn't know, Belle can be quite stubborn and determined, especially when sleep is involved, even drug induced sleep. Because of this special character trait, the nurse had to give her a lot of sedation which caused Belle to stop breathing for 45 seconds. I think she actually stopped breathing a couple of times, I was in the room, I watched her turn a sort of blue, purple color. It was horrible. I lost my cool. I cried. I threw my hands up and thought, "Seriously! After everything we've been through, I'm going to lose her now? At what was supposed to be the easy part?" And then she took a deep breath, the nurse put the oxygen mask on Belle's sweet face and and I watched her numbers steadily climb. The nurse put her hand on my back and told me that Belle was okay now, that she would be watching Belle's numbers during the entire MRI, that she wouldn't take her eyes off of the monitor. After that fiasco, I went to the cafeteria and got a latte, pepperoni pizza and chicken tenders. I'm a stress eater. The nurse called me after 30 minutes and told me that Belle was awake and that the MRI went well. Insert deep breath here. On our way back to the waiting area, we ran into Dr. Lemole! I believe that God's hand was in this unexpected meeting. I told Dr. Lemole that Belle had just had her MRI and he told me to go upstairs and make an appointment for us to see him the following day. Normally, we would have seen him immediately following the MRI but there were some issues with the hospital. I kept asking different people if we should be seeing Dr. Lemole and
they all told me that somebody would call me with the results of the MRI. It didn't seem right to me,
Belle has a special case, I wanted to hear from her doctors, not some random radiologist who doesn't know her case. See how God worked that one out? UMC is a big hospial! It's kind of hard to run into important people. There have been a few times when I have unexpectedly run into the specific doctor that we needed to see after much frustration dealing with the middle-men. God is watching out for us. Running into Dr. Lemole was a God send.


The next day we went to our appointment and Dr. Lemole gave us great news. The small piece of tumor that will stay in Belle's head like a scar is decreasing in size, the radiation is working! Praise God! He asked about her hormones and behavior and was very pleased with our report. Belle is growing, she's taller than she was in April, her weight is steady, and she is showing signs of puberty! These were all big concerns following radiation treatment. Again, praise God!

So far this summer we have visited Colorado and I am currently writing this post from a cabin in Pinetop. We will be visiting Hawaii shortly for Matt's Dad's wedding AND Make-A-Wish granted Belle's wish to go on a Disney cruise which will be happening sometime in the Fall! Fun! We are making up for vacations lost last summer. :) Belle has been swimming like crazy, it is so refreshing to see her splashing around in the pool, it's one of her favorite things to do. She has been playful and smiley and so very stubborn at times (which I secretly love because that means she's feeling well and at least she is here with me). Praises!

Kierra is also doing well. So sweet and kind and loving. She graduated from kindergarten with flying colors. She's a beautiful child, such a blessing.

Matt and I are doing mostly well. I think we are still trying to sort through emotions and thoughts from the past year, it's all been so dizzying. It would be nice if we could be more resilient like the girls, they really are amazing.


So, that's the update. I am uncertain of what the future holds but I know God will walk by our side and, if we need it, carry us though.


2 comments:

  1. Hang in there momma! Rejoicing with you over the MRI results :) Enjoy living it up in the mountains and by the sea (er, ocean!). Happy for you & your family. Keep on keeping on sister. Love you!

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  2. I love what you said in the first paragraph! And how all of the Jesus Calling passages are like they are written just for your family! Love you, enjoy the trees!

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