An update

It's been a LONG time since I last checked in, I apologize. I am attempting to put the last year or so into words, it's taking some time and much thought. I want to give our last year justice, I really want to share what we have experienced with as much thought and feeling as I can muster, I want to remember... I need to remember. I need to remember and learn from our last year. I am working on really loving and appreciating everything that we have experienced. Anyway, update.


The time leading up to the MRI was stressful and confusing. A sweet friend gave me a book called, "Jesus Calling," when we found out about Belle's tumor. I still read it. Here is a snippet from the entry on June 18.

"You are My beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you. Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment."

A snippet from June 19.

"Let me prepare you for the day that awaits you and point you in the right direction. I am with you continually, so don't be intimidated by fear. Though it stalks you, it cannot harm you, as long as you cling to My hand. keep your eyes on Me, enjoying Peace in My Presence."

A snippet from a page that presented itself when I picked the book up from my nightstand on the day of Belle's MRI. This is part of an entry from June 27.

"Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focuse your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey."

Trying to remember that God is, and has been, my Constant Companion through this journey is bringing me much strength. Sometimes my fears get the best of me and I forget but then I remember and I experience peace.

We had Belle's post treatment MRI on June 18, exactly one year from when she was diagnosed. The MRI went mostly well. If you didn't know, Belle can be quite stubborn and determined, especially when sleep is involved, even drug induced sleep. Because of this special character trait, the nurse had to give her a lot of sedation which caused Belle to stop breathing for 45 seconds. I think she actually stopped breathing a couple of times, I was in the room, I watched her turn a sort of blue, purple color. It was horrible. I lost my cool. I cried. I threw my hands up and thought, "Seriously! After everything we've been through, I'm going to lose her now? At what was supposed to be the easy part?" And then she took a deep breath, the nurse put the oxygen mask on Belle's sweet face and and I watched her numbers steadily climb. The nurse put her hand on my back and told me that Belle was okay now, that she would be watching Belle's numbers during the entire MRI, that she wouldn't take her eyes off of the monitor. After that fiasco, I went to the cafeteria and got a latte, pepperoni pizza and chicken tenders. I'm a stress eater. The nurse called me after 30 minutes and told me that Belle was awake and that the MRI went well. Insert deep breath here. On our way back to the waiting area, we ran into Dr. Lemole! I believe that God's hand was in this unexpected meeting. I told Dr. Lemole that Belle had just had her MRI and he told me to go upstairs and make an appointment for us to see him the following day. Normally, we would have seen him immediately following the MRI but there were some issues with the hospital. I kept asking different people if we should be seeing Dr. Lemole and
they all told me that somebody would call me with the results of the MRI. It didn't seem right to me,
Belle has a special case, I wanted to hear from her doctors, not some random radiologist who doesn't know her case. See how God worked that one out? UMC is a big hospial! It's kind of hard to run into important people. There have been a few times when I have unexpectedly run into the specific doctor that we needed to see after much frustration dealing with the middle-men. God is watching out for us. Running into Dr. Lemole was a God send.


The next day we went to our appointment and Dr. Lemole gave us great news. The small piece of tumor that will stay in Belle's head like a scar is decreasing in size, the radiation is working! Praise God! He asked about her hormones and behavior and was very pleased with our report. Belle is growing, she's taller than she was in April, her weight is steady, and she is showing signs of puberty! These were all big concerns following radiation treatment. Again, praise God!

So far this summer we have visited Colorado and I am currently writing this post from a cabin in Pinetop. We will be visiting Hawaii shortly for Matt's Dad's wedding AND Make-A-Wish granted Belle's wish to go on a Disney cruise which will be happening sometime in the Fall! Fun! We are making up for vacations lost last summer. :) Belle has been swimming like crazy, it is so refreshing to see her splashing around in the pool, it's one of her favorite things to do. She has been playful and smiley and so very stubborn at times (which I secretly love because that means she's feeling well and at least she is here with me). Praises!

Kierra is also doing well. So sweet and kind and loving. She graduated from kindergarten with flying colors. She's a beautiful child, such a blessing.

Matt and I are doing mostly well. I think we are still trying to sort through emotions and thoughts from the past year, it's all been so dizzying. It would be nice if we could be more resilient like the girls, they really are amazing.

So, that's the update. I am uncertain of what the future holds but I know God will walk by our side and, if we need it, carry us though.

Happy Snow Day.

I have always dreamed of waking up to snow covering the desert, hearing my girls squeal with delight as the feasted theirs eyes on the frosty desert. I am 29 years old and I have never, ever witnessed this, until today.

I have been having a rough time the past couple of months. I will spare you the details but will say this, depression and anxiety are nasty creatures to battle. I know it will pass but sometimes that's hard to remember. I pray, maybe not as often or as hard as I should, but I pray, and God answers prayers.

Last night I was sitting on our couch, looking at the weather advisory for Tucson. Snow? Blizzard? Sure. Maybe up in the mountains but not down here where the people live. That just doesn't happen here. I said a small quiet prayer. It went a little like this:

God, I need a sign. I need to know you're here with me, that I'm not alone. Maybe you could let it snow all night so I can wake up to snow? Maybe? I now you're busy doing so many other things and this is a very trivial request but if you feel up to it that would be awesome. If you can't, that's cool, I completely understand.

I love God with my whole heart. I love that He accepts me for who I am. I love that He doesn't need me to be at my best in order the hear me and that I can talk to him freely. He loves me when I am completely weak and overcome. 

So, I said my prayer, went to bed and woke up to a cloudy sky but no snow. Hey, that's okay, I did wake up after all and we are all mostly healthy and happy. So I took Kierra to school and went on with my day. We all went to Kierra's rodeo show at school and in the drive over it started to snow. How fun! The snow fell for a couple of hours, it was delightful. As soon as the snow stopped falling the snow started to melt, that's how the desert works. The skies were also showing signs of clearing up. It was a fun little winter storm. At about 3pm I felt so tired that I just had to take a nap so I laid down and fell asleep. About an hour later I woke up to squeals. 

"Mom! Mom! Wake up! You have to see this!"

I groggily rolled out of bed and was ushered into our living room and brought to the window where I feasted my eyes on a frosty desert. The desert, my desert, was completely covered in snow. Not only that, snow was still falling, not little snow, but giant snowflakes, falling to the earth in quiet beauty. At that moment I heard a small voice that said, "You woke up to snow." And at that moment I knew, regardless of what might happen in the future, God is with me and that everything is going to be okay.

An Aching Heart

My heart aches. It aches for mothers and fathers who will never hug or kiss their precious babies again. It aches for siblings who will never giggle together again. It aches for children who will never be able to seek their mother's advice. For husbands, boyfriends, and soon-to-be fiances who lost their soul mates, their best friends. My heart aches for a broken world filled with pain and sorrow.

On December 14, 2012, 20 precious angels were ripped from their families. Taken forever. I can't even imagine the horror that filled their last moments. The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that our loving Father welcomed them into his arms immediately, and that they were filled with joy at the sight of their Creator, all horror and fear forgotten. Seven selfless, loving adults gave their lives trying protect these children. They are heroes and deserve to be honored and remembered for their last acts of kindness. I have always held teachers in high regard but even more so after hearing stories of how teachers protected children in the midst of a horrifying nightmare. I pray that our Savior will bring peace and comfort to all affected by this tragedy, that He would wrap His loving arms around them and never let go.

In the days that have followed this most horrifying event I have been shocked by the amount of people who have taken this event as an opportunity to push their own political and spiritual agendas. Again, my heart breaks. I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I love Him with my whole heart, I can't imagine living life without Him. Without Him, I would be completely lost. That being said, I have been so frustrated by friends and fellow believers who have taken this tragedy as an opportunity to push their opinions on political and spiritual hot topics such as gun control and abortion. This is not the time for that! It is too soon, we are too raw from the horrific happenings of December 14. I agree that some things need to be addressed but let these poor families and the rest of the nation mourn the loss of precious life in peace before emotional hot topics are pushed in their faces. Jesus called us to first love God and then love others:

Mark 12:28-34

New International Version (NIV)

The Greatest Commandment

28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a] 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[b] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] There is no commandment greater than these.”

32 “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. 33 To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

34 When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

Bringing up these topics, at this point in time, lacks compassion, love and grace. What people need, especially now, is love and compassion. Please friends, lets remember to love first. Let's not get so distracted and obsessed with our political and spiritual opinions that we lose our ability to be loving and compassionate.

Boston in the Fall

The love the fall. Simply love it. The colors, the baking, the holiday excitement, the chill that eventually comes, all of it. I was pretty bummed to be leaving our home and friends and family during this festive time. I was sad that I wouldn't be able to decorate our home or host a family breakfast complete with pumpkin pancakes to celebrate the coming of fall. I was sad that my girls wouldn't be able to go trick-or-treating with their friends and that Kierra wouldn't be able to participate in the costume parade at school. The girls also missed their school pictures that are also taken in the fall. We wouldn't be able to go apple picking/flinging with our family. We also learned that we would miss Thanksgiving with our family. Boo. Simply put, I was bummed. I knew everything would be okay, we would make the best of our situation, it wouldn't be the same, but it would be good enough. Little did I know but we were in for a big surprise. Our fall turned out to be one of the most memorable falls. Filled with tons of trick-or-treating with friends, a costume fashion show, apple picking, leaves changing color and actually falling from their trees creating heaps of fun on the ground below. The girls were also given the opportunity to have their pictures taken by a professional photographer which was preceded by the girls having their make-up done by a real stylist (one who has done make-up for celebrities) all for free. We decorated our apartment with small pumpkins and a pumpkin candle, it was delightful. As Halloween approached some wonderful friends sent an entire box of Halloween decorations! My parents were able to visit and walk around Beacon Hill for Halloween night which is known for their amazing trick-or-treating and family-friendly Halloween spirit. For Thanksgiving we will be traveling to Plymouth for a Thanksgiving buffet at Plymouth Plantation. Our fall has far exceeded my expectations. I am so excited to share it with you all!

Look at these colors!

Halloween! We had three different Halloween events this year. First was a party at Christopher's Haven with a fashion show and magic show. So much fun!

If you look closely you can see Cowboy Matt in the background. :)

Angelina Ballerina

A Monarch Butterfly

Our adorable little friend who we lovingly refer to as, Maya Papaya.

Our second event was trick-or-treating at the hospital. I don't know if my girls will ever be able to trick-or-treat like normal people ever again. Each girl left the hospital with over 15 pounds of candy. What does one even do with that amount of candy? Do we bring it home? Surprise a homeless person? I have no idea. An important detail I left out is that each sweetie had three costumes to wear. The hospital and volunteers are very generous. 

Love Bugs, a Witch and a Penguin?!?! Oh my!

Jake the Pirate

Tinkerbel

Our third and final event was a walk and a a little trick-or-treating around Beacon Hill. Amazing. Picture the crowds at Disneyland, high on sugar, squeezed into narrow alley ways and streets. The families here go above and beyond decorating and making Halloween a memorable event for all who visit. I longed to be a resident, sipping wine, handing candy out to adorable children... someday. :)

A Colonial Girl and a Fairy Princess

This was three stories high. CRAZY!

Spider webs and decorations were covered this neighborhood. SO much fun!

Next in our fall adventures is apple picking! We were warned that the apple picking might not be very good as it was the end of the season. OH MY GOODNESS. If this was "not very good" I would like to see what "very good" is! Apples the size of an infants head, people! Crispy, juicy, delicious apples that leave your mouth wanting for more as soon as you have finished the last. 

We had an absolute blast picking apples, eating apples, drinking apple cider and my favorite, eating warm apple cider doughnuts. So tasty! 

Now for some random fall pictures. 

Unintentional matching jammies! One of the best surprises ever!

Love and miss you all!

Radiation Vacation Update 5: The Tale of the Turnip

34 treatments down, 10 to go! It's time to count down people! We've bought out tickets and our flight date is set for November 28th! As our time winds down here I am finding that I am having some mixed emotions. I am definitely ready to go home, I am so ready to see faces that I love so much. I can't wait to be home and turn the page on this particular chapter of our lives. But, as much as I want to go home, I am also anxious about the future. I am terrible at waiting, and for the next six months we will be waiting to hear if Belle's tumor has grown, shrunk or has just sat nicely inside Belle's sweet little noggin. I have figured out that I better learn how to be better at waiting. Much of our time this past summer was spent waiting for doctors to tell us what our next move was, it was horrible. I hated feeling like we were not actively fighting this thing, that while we were sitting and waiting, this tumor could be growing. Now, after we have been in combat for almost three months, we will go home and try to return to a "normal" life for six months before we return to see if anything has changed. Blah. I'm sure it will all work out. "IT" has been working out for the last 5 months with strength from above, much prayer, and support from loved ones and strangers. I don't think I will ever really be able to express how thankful I am for everything that God has done for us and for everything our amazing community has done for us. You are all incredible and you each hold a special place in my heart.

We have met so many wonderful people here, another reason I feel confused about going home. I don't want to say goodbye to the faces we have seen almost everyday for the past three months, these people feel like family and we will miss them. Thank goodness for facebook and email. I hope with my whole heart that we will be able to stay in contact with our neighbors and proton friends, we are so blessed to have had them touch our lives.

Anyway, on to the Turnip. She is doing so well! Her energy level is climbing and she is having less headaches and nausea! A visit from Great Aunt Barb, Nacky and Papagogi (my parents), 15 pounds of candy (more on that later), and the realization of only having two and a half weeks left has brightened her spirits and she is flying high. At least once a day she squeals in delights and announces, "Only ten treatments to go!" Let's all close our eyes and savor her sweet joy, it's delicious.

Here is the long awaited picture of the Turnip:

This is what Belle does everyday. Isn't she brave?

At the Public Garden with Aunt Barb.

Why, yes, that is a spider on my Dad's head.

Someone got a new hat! She is quite shnazzy.

A bumpy bicycle ride with Papgogi! What else could you ask for?

Cuddling on the "T." We are such city people now.

Our Tucson blood is not made for this cold stuff.

Fun times at the Children's Museum.

CarniVAL!

I love that Belle is wearing earmuffs, or "earmuffins" as Kierra calls them, with a short sleeve shirt. Crazy kid.

That's it for now, more to come later!